Deep in the Woods (2001)
Review Written by: Joshua
Taj Bozeman on September 23, 2003 @ 4:12 A.M. CT.
Wow...talk about crap. This horror movie from France is just awful all around- acting, storyline, setting, you name it- this movie is a joke.
It's the story of some idiot twenty somethings, who we learn are stoner idiots in the very beginning of the film. They act so unnatural, so unlike normal human beings, that it's hard to feel ANYTHING for them. Well, I liked the girl named Matilda, and she was nude at one point...which was nice, but other than that, the characters are so strange, you feel nothing for them, and you could care less who gets killed, how, when, etc.
They arrive at this mansion, ready to put on a play for the young kid living there with his insane whacko of a father- this old dude who screams like a maniac, throws his glass of alcohol for no reason, and constantly hits on the blonde guy- leading to some creepy homoerotic scene where the blonde guy tucks him into bed, reading him to sleep.
I'm guessing the film is in French, because the voices don't match the character's mouths so well...but it's not that bad, so maybe it IS in English, just badly filmed. Who knows. It has a European feel to it, and at one point- the classic scene with the lone girl walking thru the mansion at night popped up, and heavy music that sounded Goblinesque started, and I could have sworn we were going to get into Argento territory, but we didn't. That might be good, it might be bad. It really wouldn't have saved this wreck of a film, with so many absurd plot twists, you can't help but laugh at everyone involved.
The poorly written story follows the weirdo kids with no real human emotions, the crazy kid who stabs himself in the hand with a fork for no reason at all, and the psycho dad of the kid who acts like a madman...oh, and the caretaker who seems like he might just be nutty enough to be the killer.
We see the actors put on some horrible rendition of Little Red Riding Hood...they go back to a parlor to relax and smoke dope...there are two lesbians (a couple), one of the lesbians is a mute, the other is a butch chick who later bangs the blonde guy. They take a walk in the woods, after hearing that a serial rapist is on the loose (great idea...walk in the woods!) Some crazy cop comes by and walks into the mansion- somehow getting past the gate, and thru the door which should have been locked, to inform them that the rapist is close by, and they should all stay inside.
Wow, none of that made any sense really, but that's how the movie goes. It makes little sense, and it's a poor excuse for some bad actors to get naked...two of them doing so and showing off multiple hairdos, if you know what I mean. Sad, but those two scenes might be the only saving graces, so to speak. Then again, I was hoping the killer in the wolf costume (how could I forget to mention that the killer wore the wolf costume from their play) would come and take me out next. Tedious, boring, too long, in one word- garbage.