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• Get Away From My Mom -- original airdate April 26, 1999

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Various transcripts pieces that will be formatted and completed later:

Below are some transcripts from the episode EPISODE NAME HERE. I took it from the program with my tv tuner card, so it doesn't show who is saying what. I will try to get this episode on tape and format it better. For now, I'll keep it below, so I can have as much content in regards to transcripts as possible.

COACH McGUIRK: Also, your honor, brendon was suffering from dementia, which was passed down to him from me.

JUDGE: Now, wait.

COACH McGUIRK: I don't even know where I am, your honor.

BRENDON: I got hit... I was hit by a car.

JUDGE:Ah... you were hit by... right, so... so... what are you telling me here?

COACH McGUIRK: Well, that brendon was hit by a car and that it was his fault.

BRENDON: You'd make a fantastic lawyer.

JUDGE: Now, listen, we're not disputing who's at fault here. We have an eyewitnesses and police reports. What I'm doing is deciding an appropriate punishment. That's the phase of the trial we're at now.

COACH McGUIRK: Your honor, might I suggest a spanking on his tush?

JUDGE: ( Pounds gavel ) that's it-- another word and you'll be held in contempt!

BRENDON: Thank you, your honor.

JUDGE: Okay-- anyway, brendon, I'd like to start off by...

COACH McGUIRK: oh, bruce boxleitner.

JUDGE: What did I tell you, mister?

COACH McGUIRK: I'm just saying bruce boxleitner was the guy in tron, your honor.

BRENDON: Oh, right! Thank you. Oh, thank you. Now I can sleep.

COACH McGUIRK: Great movie.

JUDGE: Please, both of you!

BRENDON: Ahead of its time.

JUDGE: Now, listen to me, brendon, I want you to write an essay detailing exactly why what you did was illegal.

BRENDON: Oh, man!

JUDGE: Yes, yes. I'll let you off the hook.

COACH McGUIRK: This court is a mockery.

JUDGE: And you, mcguirk-- I'd like you to write an essay, too.

COACH McGUIRK: Whoa, whoa, whoa...

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(the Small house where Paula and Stephanie are discussing Stephanies current problems)

PAULA: yes... no... I mean no.

STEPHANIE: I'm a screw-up!

PAULA: No.

STEPHANIE: I can't balance my checkbook.

PAULA: No.

STEPHANIE: I spend too much.

PAULA: No.

STEPHANIE: I'm clumsy.

PAULA: Maybe.

STEPHANIE: I'm stupid, too. He even hates my lasagna.

PAULA: What do you mean? Richard?

STEPHANIE: Yes!

-------------------------------------------

(back to court- video of jason and melissa acting out accident)

JASON: Is he still alive?

MELISSA: Yeah.

JASON: Hey, go in the trunk, hot stuff and go get daddy the bat.

MELISSA: Sure thing.

JASON: We'll finish him off.

BRENDON: ( Quietly ): Ow, hey, ow-- not as hard.

JASON: Well, I'm trying to kill you.

BRENDON: Okay, that's it!

Both: Ow... ow... ow...

-------------------------------------------

(back to scene at Small house. stephanie and paula are talking)

PAULA: stephanie, you could have told me about the divorce.

STEPHANIE: I know, I'm sorry. I just... I had to get out of town. You know, the stress was killing me. It's his fault. It's his fault I acted like an ass around here.

PAULA: Who cares whose fault it was? Look, you can do one of two things: You can cry like a baby and ruin your own life and everybody's life around you or... you can try to move on. But richard... richard's a jerk! Look, you're acting like a victim and you are not a victim. Say it with me.

STEPHANIE: I'm not a victim.

PAULA: No, wait for me, okay? Say it with me. Okay, you ready?

STEPHANIE: Okay, I'm ready. One, two, three...

both: I'm not a victim.

-------------------------------------------

(back to court where Brendon is addressing the court/judge)

BRENDON: I am a victim! Not them! They were encased in steel! I only had my flesh encasement of flesh. They should have to write essays! They should be punished. Hit it, boys!

----------------------------

(singing- Dwayne and the band)

don't run them over

let 'em live their lives

let 'em get older

don't kill children

don't run them over

let 'em live their lives

let 'em get older

brendon small

he didn't do anything wrong

he was riding his bike

they tried to take his life

don't kill children, don't run 'em over

let 'em live...

----------------------------

JUDGE: All right, I've seen enough of this. Brendon, I am very disappointed in you. You blat uouserials and made a mockery of this court. ( Groans ) you realize you'll have to be punished again.

BRENDON: W-w-wait A...

JUDGE: no, brendon. You won't talk yourself out of this. I want you to spend the next four months working weekend community service.

BRENDON: Oh, you've got to be kidding me.

COACH McGUIRK: I don't think he's kidding.

JUDGE: And these nice folks have an estimate for the car accident. ( Mumbling )