1. Lights, Cameras, Action Heroes
Whether you're living inside or outside the Hollywood beltway, there are two things about Arnold Schwarzenegger's foray into the wonderful world of politics that are especially interesting.
First, never before has someone run for statewide office at such a successful point in his entertainment career. Arnold has just had a blockbuster of a summer flick with "Terminator 3."
Second, he joins a long list of Tinseltowners-turned-politicians. Oddly enough, almost all of the civic-minded celebs have been of the Republican pinstripe. Ronald Reagan, Fred Thompson, Sonny Bono, Fred Grandy and George Murphy are some of the Big R cases in point.
What's intriguing about the pattern is the fact that Hollywood is dominated by leftists who sign on the Democrat line. In addition to the Bush-bashing rhetoric we hear from the likes of Johnny Depp, Tim Robbins, Martin Sheen et al., more than 80 percent of the entertainment dough from the last presidential election went to the Dems. And the industry was the sixth-biggest source of cash for politicos seeking campaign funding.
Academy Award winners are generally given the highest respect within the industry. But a look at where this group's campaign contributions went last cycle illustrates that when it comes to the politics of the A-listers, Hollywood is a one-party system.
Oscar-winning actors, directors, etc., gave a measly $9,000 to Republicans. On the other hand, Democrats got a whopping $381,000 out of the elitist bunch.
This got me thinking. If Hollywood is populated with so many liberals who are active enough to provide hefty monetary support, why don't they run for office?
I believe it has to do with something we all want but can't always muster. It's called guts. And conservatives in Hollywood seem to have a bit more experience in guts-building.
The way I see it, conservatives in Tinseltown have to be strong enough and willing enough to buck the tide, because liberalism is the prevailing force. It's hyped at business meetings, toasted at cocktail parties and sold at commissaries. To openly express ideas that run counter to the unofficial Hollywood manifesto can put a career at risk and throw a social life into the can.
Guts-building could have to do with playing an action hero, too. It could be that taking on a theatrical role can translate into real-life valor, because in addition to Arnold, action figures such as Mel Gibson, Bruce Willis, Jean-Claude Van Damme, Clint Eastwood and Kurt Russell have also had the fearlessness to express conservative sympathies.
Whatever the case, if Hollywood liberals are thinking about taking the plunge into political candidacy, perhaps they ought to try out some new film roles as preparation.
The Left Coast Report can see it now - Ed Asner and Sean Penn could audition as the next Batman and Robin. Woody Allen could go for Spider-Man. Rob Reiner would make a good Hulk. And who knows, if they remade Wonder Woman, it might be enough to get Babs out of retirement.
2. Tony Randall Still Cranky After All These Years
Actor Tony Randall, best known for playing a character who didn't need a Queer Eye makeover, has a fantasy.
Is it going into space or discovering a cure for cancer? No.
In true Hollywood form, Randall wants to dis the president and vice president ... after he's dead.
Speaking to the National Funeral Directors Association, Randall said his dream was that when he dies, President Bush and Vice President Dick Cheney show up to pay their respects, but they are turned away because his family knows he didn't like them.
The Left Coast Report points out that even though leftists don't all believe in life after death, some apparently do believe in rudeness after life.
3. Salma Hayek's Bug Bites
Dr. Phil? Move over. South Beach Diet? Fuhgetaboudit.
Salma Hayek is here with unique diet tips that are sure to reduce your caloric intake as well as your appetite.
Don't expect a book on the subject, though. To follow Salma's advice, you have to eat bugs.
Hayek might not have known it, but growing up in Mexico was good preparation for any future appearances on "Celebrity Fear Factor."
The actress says insects are a delicacy in Mexico. "We have the crickets and then the ant's eggs, and then we have these worms," she explains.
But bug eatin' isn't exactly easy. Salma says: "You need the guacamole, otherwise they are slippery; they fall off the tortilla. But the guacamole really sticks them in there, and they're crunchy."
The Left Coast Report has a hunch that the critters taste just like pollo.
4. Al Frankenfurter
Al Franken just doesn't know when to stop ... talking, that is.
Franken's initial reaction to drug allegations against Rush Limbaugh was almost human. Almost.
He said: "I don't like Rush. I don't like what he does - but I don't wish that [addiction] on anybody."
But he couldn't leave things there. Instead, the author of "Rush Limbaugh Is a Big Fat Idiot" let loose with something of rude, crude magnitude.
Franken said that if the allegations turned out to be true, he'd be "looking forward to the perp walk."
The comedy-challenged comedian said, "I'll be switching channels to get it from every angle." And he added, "My favorite part is when they push their heads to get them down into the [police] car."
The Left Coast Report says we'll be switching channels, too, whenever Al Franken is hot-dogging on the tube.
5. Beatle Bolshevism
Back when listening to Beatles music could get you placed in a work camp in Cuba, Silvio Rodriguez lost his state job because of his penchant for the Fab Four.
Now Rodriguez is one of Cuba's top folksingers. He was recently one of the participants in a peace concert that took place in a Havana park named after, not Vladimir Lenin, but - can you believe it? - John Lennon.
John Lennon's songs were a featured part of the commie concert.
John's sister-in-law, Setsuko Ono, announced that she was donating several of her sculptures to Cuba. And a local artist named Kcho covered a Sherman tank with a white cloth as a symbol of peace.
In his own gesture of peace, dictator Fidel Castro arrived wearing his communist military Sunday best.
Guess Castro and his cohorts must have glossed over a few of Lennon's best lyrics: "If you go carrying pictures of Chairman Mao, you ain't gonna make it with anyone, anyhow."
The Left Coast Report wonders if there are any plans for a gathering of Cuban comedians at the dedication of a Groucho Marx Square.
6. That Don't Impress Uma Much
The samurai sword-slashing star of "Kill Bill" recently took a swipe at Dubya.
Uma Thurman shared some of her career ideas for President Bush in the December issue of GQ: "He should have his own show."
Thurman added: "He's a very charismatic guy. He's funny."
It all sounded pretty flattering, but eventually it became clear something else was driving Uma's desire to see a presidential shift of pursuits.
"I really wish he wasn't running the country," the actress lamented. "I didn't want him to be elected, but I hoped he wouldn't do a bad job. I have to say it's been less than impressive."
The Left Coast Report sees two years without a repeat of 9/11-style terrorism, an economy on the mend, some cash in our pockets instead of Uncle Sam's, condemnation of D & X and an Oval Office draped in dignity again as pretty darn impressive.
7. The Case of the Bountiful Bolshoi Ballerina
A Moscow court has ruled that the Bolshoi Theater must rehire Anastasia Volochkova, a ballerina who was fired in September.
What was the reason for the dancer's dismissal? Allegedly, she was just too large.
According to the New York Times, the Bolshoi officials accused Volochkova of being too unwieldy onstage for the male soloists.
Russia's Labor Ministry urged the Bolshoi to take her back, but the theater said "nyet," throwing the case into the court's hands.
In the end, the court awarded Volochkova 190,000 rubles in back pay and damages.
The Left Coast Report hears that the Bolshoi Theater just received an application for ballet employment from a certain Albert Gore.