I slept an hour or so a bit ago, but I got up. I wasn't going to. My stomach was hurting, so I got up and peed (nice visual, I know)...and I came back in here to lie down and sleep again, and I was on my way to doing so, but I suddenly picked up the remote and hit the cable power button and the tv power button, seeing what I had left it on- Cartoon Network when Brak Show was on...so, I turned it to Nicktoons TV, and Rugrats was on (tho it said something else was supposed to be on.) I went to 4AM on the guide to see if Pelswick came on...maybe it's a new episode I don't have on tape, and I'll tape it. Or maybe two new episodes, since it was two in a row. So, I got up and finished reading Ann Coulter's High Crimes and Misdemeanors- a very telling book about the corruption that was rampant in the Clinton White House, not to mention during his time in Arkansas.
I read the end of that and put it on my stack of things to return to the library tomorrow morning. I have a meeting at 9:30, so I probably won't be going back to sleep, since it's 4:51 now.
I really want to go to Village Fireside Pizza- a restaurant in Boonville that is open 24 hours a day now (or so the sign says), and they have breakfast and stuff. It would be a 45 minute drive or so, and I'd need some money to do that...money I don't have right now.
Anyhow, I just left for a second to take the doggy out...the psycho one who growls if you get near his area or certain people.
A few things I need to look into:
1) hypnotherapy
2) self esteem therapy
3) reality testing
4) interpersonal-skills training
5) focusing skills
6) public speaking courses
7) perception/assertion training
8) relaxation techniques
I'd also like to look into those weekend 'camps' where you can go with tons of others who have the same or similar anxieties, and they have courses during the day, group therapy, different stuff...I'm actually not sure what all they do or how it all works, but many people have talked about going thru it online, and it sounds like it might be beneficial. Who knows...anything that works would be a godsend.
Donna, who runs my group therapy meeting, called me yesterday with the numbers of two local hypnotherapists, and I need to call them to get some information, see how much it costs, and all of that stuff. Last Thursday was this month's anxiety group with Donna, and I was the only one that showed up. The most that has ever been is like 3 people and Donna...so, 4 people. But, we were there all alone, talking for an hour about me and my current situation. It was actually nice.
A few things I have going for me, as Donna mentioned, and I noticed myself:
1) I always look people in their eyes when I talk to them, and I don't have much of an issue with that.
2) I'm very personable (have been told that by a number of people throughout my life, and even lately people have said this.)
3) No one can tell that I'm nervous, I always hide it very well...it doesn't feel like I hide it to me, but everyone has always told me I don't seem nervous at all, that I seem fine. Many people have actually asked if I was lying about anxiety, because they have said I don't seem very shy at all, and if I was shy- it surely doesn't rise to the level of social anxiety. Well, I have it, but, as I said, I hide it well.
Those are some positive things. Well, people usually tell me I have a good sense of humor and that I seem very intelligent as well, so those are definitely pluses. I've just got to work on the things listed above. Well, the things listed above sorta tell some of the things I need to work on.
Posted by Josh at November 10, 2003 05:11 AM | TrackBack